This is the next to last lesson on how to be a better conservative. he final lessons tomorrow does not mean there isn’t more to being a conservative, there is just so much more but time and space can only allow for the more popular concepts. So on with our third in a series of four lessons!
Hypnosis
Conservatives can effect change and attitudes by repeating key phrases over and over and over and over. It doesn’t matter what phrase you pick, just make sure it slams liberals then pass it on to other conservatives. Before you know it people will believe it. Won’t matter of it’s true or not because people will hear it so much that they will assume it is true without questioning it. Some favorites that have worked are “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” and “Democrats give aid and comfort to the enemy”. Remember, repeat, repeat, repeat. The more repetition, the more effective it will be.
Justice System
Whenever possible vote for conservative judges. Conservatives need more judges that will go beyond the practice of judging basic truth, but will impose the conservative mindset upon society. The justice system has gone a long way to alter the USA. Take for example when a state holds an election and the majority votes in favor of physician-assisted suicide. All it would take is one conservative judge to totally wipe out the majority vote (so much for We The People) and apply conservative principles. Never vote for a judge that is anti-death penalty and never vote for a judge that believes in anything other than excessive punishment with no judicial discretion. Victims should have more rights than criminals, even though the Constitution speaks of the rights of the accused, not the rights of the harmed. Most importantly of all, refer to all court decisions supported by liberals as “judicial activism” and all decisions you support as “judicial restraint” regardless of the truth.
Iraq
Perhaps the biggest opportunity to attack those liberals who want to give aid and comfort to the terrorists is Iraq. Although it might seem complex the conservative mindset is really simple. One one side of your mouth say you support the troops (to appear patriotic) then on the other side send them to war without adequate supplies, such as body armor, and refuse to fund any of the services they will need upon returning home. Demonize liberals and make them look like everything they say is the equivalent of working for the terrorists. Never ever mention any bad that is taking place in Iraq. This is a conservative no-no. For example the recently-reaffirmed news that Iraq has plunged itself into civil war should not be mentioned. Hide it. When you hear your president pass the buck for the debacle to his eventual successors, hide it! Pretend it never happened. Hide the truth! Hide it all! The conservative cause will be hurt by this bad news stuff.
Protest
Protests are anti-American unless engaged in by conservatives. Protest anything that looks like it might be about the rights of people you hate, or that might undermine your power. For example, if women are exercising their right to choose, block access to the abortion clinic or create a poster urging conservatives to kill abortion doctors. Or, if fully counting votes might mean your side loses an election, send operatives to riot and rush the doors of the room where the votes are being counted. But when liberals protest the erosion of civil liberties, be sure to tell everyone that liberals and terrorists are friends. Always question the patriotism of liberals who protest, and always tout the patriotism of conservatives who riot, threaten violence, or otherwise break or ignore the law.
The Poor
For decades conservatives have tried to convince the poor that conservatives are on their side, and you must continue this attempt, even though it is not true. If a poor person somehow gets a good education and escapes their poor situation they will be enlightened to the truth that conservatives have been slashing funding to that very education, as well as to all of the social services society has a responsibility to provide to the poor. It is the duty of conservatives to make sure the poor are oppressed and that their children only attend either public schools whose funding has been gutted by conservatives, or private or charter schools which teach conservative values. Promote any scheme which will produce future dullards who will rely on conservatives to think for them, rather than thinking for themselves. If they suddenly find out that they can think for themselves and not be exploited by us then conservatives are screwed! Enlist the new crop of idiots and bigots into the conservative movement ASAP!
Return to class for Conservatism 104 tomorrow!