This is the last in the little mini-series on being conservative. All of the traits covered in this and the previous three lessons are really expansions of simple core non-values like being hypocritical, bigoted, narrow-minded, authoritarian, pro-hate, continued oppression of the poor, disregard for facts, anti-freedom, no courage, few values, little morals, etc.
Fear
Fear is a motivational tactic conservatives love to use and if you want to be a better conservative than you will need to practice this technique. Learn from past and current conservative masters, especially how they direct their statements to induce that motivating fear in order to manipulate the population. For example, the many times over the past five years the administration has suddenly raised the terror alert level at the same time your president was in political trouble, or when an election was near. Or sending out conservative pundits to warn that if homosexuals were permitted to receive a civil marriage license, they next would be molesting children and marrying dogs. Or using the FBI to spy on peaceful protesters and activist groups to chill their First Amendment activities. Or, the biggest one of all, suggesting that Iraq was responsible for 9/11 and that Saddam Hussein might unleash nuclear weapons on American soil, despite the fact that he didn’t actually have any weapons of mass destruction. (No, it doesn’t matter what the world thinks about it. All that matters is being conservative.) Use fear to slash funding for schools too. Fear that taxes are communistic. Use fear to promote union-busting. Fear that unions are communistic. Use fear to crush dissent. Fear that criticizing your president is the same as helping the terrorists.
Hide
Be very careful when interacting with liberals since they will often counter what you stand for with truth and reality and facts. This is one powerful reason why the government insists on “free speech zones” which keep the American people away from the president unless they agree with him. Even with personal blogs be careful to not disclose your identity. Stay anonymous as much as possible.
Voting
The position a good conservative has on voting is simple. If a liberal is likely to win an election then send conservative operatives from Washington to riot and rush the room where votes are being counted. Before elections find as many people as you can to prevent from voting liberal. Harass voters, purge registration rolls, put voting locations in remote areas or close them altogether. The priority is not what is legal or right but to promote the conservative candidate. If despite all of this the liberal candidate is still going to win, make sure the Supreme Court is conservative and will vote for the conservative, even as it confesses it’s doing something wrong by claiming their ruling cannot be used as a precedent. Conservative candidates can not get into office without our special tactics.
Responsibility
The conservative way is not to be responsible. Always blame liberals for everything. If something bad turns up ignore it, then blame liberals for trying to undermine the country. If something like a natural disaster happens pass the buck to other officials, preferably at the overwhelmed local level and remember the previous lesson to repeat, repeat, repeat. Criminals are responsible for their crimes unless they are conservatives, in which case they are being persecuted for being conservative or for being Christian. Especially if they are conservative politicians. People are not responsible to each other under the social contract enunciated by the Preamble to the Constitution. It’s every man, woman, and child for themselves. As long as we get more than our fair share, of course, which we should get by any means necessary.
Your Final Test
For a conservative student there is no test. It doesn’t matter if you have learned anything or not since part of being conservative is not to be accountable. If someone tries to test you then charge that they are being un-American, unpatriotic, or friendly to terrorists. Just complain that they are traitors. Blame any deficiency on Hollywood culture or the influence of Satan, on that liberal teacher trying to get you to understand your world, or anyone. Just never blame yourself.